While pregnant, I actually expected the other mothers around me to be good references for the experience. I always prefer to learn
from conversation, and yet on this topic it's been all but radio silence.
Conversations across the spectrum of acquaintances included hemorrhoids,
swollen feet, varicose veins and stretch marks - as if some how pregnancy
became an excuse for the things that occur as we age anyway. And it was radio
silence on the actual pregnancy: episiotomies, epidurals, doulas, birth
centers, fetal heart monitors, to name a few of the important and specific
pregnancy experiences. I have to say that I'm very angry about this. I consider
my girlfriends and family members to be educated, intelligent and independent
women, yet they couldn't be honest or perhaps remain ignorant of the important
stuff? Likewise I asked them for their favorite reading material - and received
four copies of "What To Expect When You're Expecting" - which I've
heard more informed people describe as "What to Fear When You're
Expecting" and "How to Lie Still and be Compliant While
Expecting." I can't actually understand why you would read this book -
it's lousy.
Books to NOT read:
What to Expect When You're Expecting -
why? If you prefer to lie still during sex, this is probably the book for you.
It prefaces everything with what you "can't" or "shouldn't"
do and always, always, always defer to your doctor, that angel, saint, and
master of your body. If you'd prefer to be worked up into hysteria because you
haven't yet gained enough weight, or gained too much, or might possibly give
birth to the first round of X-Men, this is the perfect book for you. But I plan
to start a bonfire with it at my baby shower.
Books to read:
Misconceptions - Naomi Wolf
The most important reason to read this book is the description of her
experiences as a patient at a reputable hospital in Washington, DC during her pregnancy and delivery. She describes multiple attempts to get
statistics on important issues, such as those NOT discussed by my postnatal
lady friends, and getting repeated blow offs with lines like "The hospital
isn't required to record that information." I'd read this book before I
even got pregnant if I could, or if I just knew someone who might someday be
pregnant.
The Birth Partner, by Penny Simkin
Everything you ever really wanted to know about childbirth and how to deal with
it. None of this "lie still and hope" crap. It requires active
participation of both the pregnant woman and whomever will assist her to have a
baby come out healthy, and this book describes it all. Read this one if nothing
else.
Your Pregnancy Week by Week by Glade B. Curtis and Judith Schuler
This is a mainstream pregnancy book, and it goes into testing, miscarriages and
all of the potential scary things you need to know. But it also gives you a
clear idea of the baby's development on a weekly basis and gives guidelines for
the mother's health and well being during the process. It's not the only book
you need, but I read it every week to get an idea of how the baby has
progressed and what the basic changes are to my body.
The Complete Book of Pregnancy by Sheila Kitzinger
This is the book that What to Expect should be. It goes through the
various stages of pregnancy, all of the issues large and small and gives you
information to take charge of them yourself. Instead of waiting around on
a doctor to prescribe pain killers for your back pain, it goes through simple
exercises to reduce them. This is the ultimate pregnancy reference
book.
